When Human Love is Not Enough!

Now there was a certain man of Ramathaimzophim, of mount Ephraim, and his name was Elkanah, the son of Jeroham, the son of Elihu, the son of Tohu, the son of Zuph, an Ephrathite:  And he had two wives; the name of the one was Hannah, and the name of the other Peninnah: and Peninnah had children, but Hannah had no children. And this man went up out of his city yearly to worship and to sacrifice unto the LORD of hosts in Shiloh. And the two sons of Eli, Hophni and Phinehas, the priests of the LORD, were there. And when the time was that Elkanah offered , he gave to Peninnah his wife, and to all her sons and her daughters, portions: But unto Hannah he gave a worthy portion; for he loved Hannah: but the LORD had shut up her womb. – 1 Samuel 1:1-5

Once again we read that a man, among the people of God, was a polygamist. However, in this instance, Elkanah loved his wife, though she was barren. When we love deeply, our desire is to give our best for the one we love. Hannah wanted to bear a child for her husband, but “the Lord had shut up her womb.”

As if her condition were not distressing enough, Elkanah’s other wife taunted Hannah about her barrenness. Peninnah’s provocations further distressed Hannah, contributing to Hannah’s depression. For we read in verse 7, “…she provoked her; therefore she wept and did not eat.”

Though Elkanah was a God-fearing man and worshipped the Lord faithfully, it seems that he did not understand why Hannah was not happy with simply being his wife. He was oblivious to her distress about her barrenness and, consequently, it seems that he never prayed to the Lord concerning Hannah’s condition. What’s more, it seems that he was oblivious to the strife between his two wives.

Though Elkanah affirmed and encouraged Hannah, her depression could not be eased until she took her complaint to the Lord (1 Samuel 1:9-11). In her petition, Hannah asked the Lord for a male child and vowed that if He would grant her petition, she would dedicate the child to Him.

There are some situations in the union between two believing spouses that cannot be resolved until the Lord’s intervention is sought! Hannah could not depend upon her husband to relieve her distress. He did not know what was troubling her. So, Hannah sought relief from the only One who could help her.

In a Christian marriage, although the husband is the priest of the family, the wife must have a vibrant relationship with the Lord for herself. The husband is not the only person in the marital union that the Lord wants relationship with.

CHALLENGE: What difficult or distressing situation have you encountered in your life that your spouse is unable to rectify for you? Have you petitioned the Lord concerning the matter? Do you trust Him to make “right” whatever may be wrong in your life?

He Loves me Not!

And he went in also unto Rachel, and he loved also Rachel more than Leah, and served with him yet seven other years. And when the LORD saw that Leah was hated , he opened her womb: but Rachel was barren. And Leah conceived , and bare a son, and she called his name Reuben: for she said , Surely the LORD hath looked upon my affliction; now therefore my husband will love me. And she conceived again, and bare a son; and said , Because the LORD hath heard that I was hated , he hath therefore given me this son also: and she called his name Simeon.  And she conceived again , and bare a son; and said , Now this time will my husband be joined unto me, because I have born him three sons: therefore was his name called Levi. And she conceived again, and bare a son: and she said , Now will I praise the LORD: therefore she called his name Judah;and left bearing . – Genesis 29:30-35

It was always God’s plan for one man to be married to one wife. Jacob’s marriage to Leah and Rachel is the first recorded incident of polygamy in the Bible. Sadly, Jacob’s ignorance of God’s will concerning marriage would be repeated again and again throughout the Israel’s history. Polygamy reached it’s apex when King Solomon married seven hundred (700) foreign wives and had three hundred (300) concubines. King Solomon’s appetite for many women cost him most of his kingdom and ultimately led to the capture of both kingdoms by foreign nations. There is always a cost to doing things our way, rather than the Lord’s.

Jacob did not love Leah and made it very apparent to her.   To console her, the Lord opened Leah’s womb to enable her to bear many children for her husband. Leah hoped that the blessing from the Lord would endear her husband to her more. The names of her sons reveal the motives of her heart in her relationship with Jacob.

She named her first son Reuben, with the hope that Jacob would love her. She named her second son Simeon, declaring that the Lord had seen that Jacob hated her. She named her third son Levi, with the hope that her husband would finally be joined to her. But, after giving birth to Judah, Leah began to praise the Lord. She took her focus off of her loveless marriage and placed it upon her God.

It is impossible for any woman to earn her husband’s love. Are you doing things to change your outward appearance, with the hope that this will change his heart toward you? We may fix terrific meals for our husbands with the hope that he will be satisfied with our efforts. We may dye our hair a certain color, or wear beautiful apparel to earn his admiration. But, at the end of the day, we find that we cannot change his heart. Only God can do that. So, trust the Lord to change your husband and begin to worship the One who loves you unconditionally. Our Lord has promised you that He will never leave you or forsake you!

CHALLENGE: If the Lord has you in a loveless marriage, how are you responding to your heavenly Bridegroom’s love for you?  What can, or will, you do to cultivate the hidden beauty that is in your heart?

He Loves me! He Loves me not!

And Laban had two daughters: the name of the elder was Leah, and the name of the younger was Rachel. Leah was tender eyed; but Rachel was beautiful and well favoured. And Jacob loved Rachel; and said , I will serve thee seven years for Rachel thy younger daughter. And Laban said , It is better that I give her to thee, than that I should give her toanother man: abide with me. And Jacob served seven years for Rachel; and they seemed unto him but a few days, for the love he had to her. And Jacob said unto Laban, Give me my wife,for my days are fulfilled , that I may go in unto her. And Laban gathered together all the men of the place, and made a feast. And it came to pass in the evening, that he took Leah his daughter, and brought her to him; and he went in unto her. And Laban gave unto his daughterLeah Zilpah his maid for an handmaid. And it came to pass, that in the morning, behold, it wasLeah: and he said to Laban, What is this thou hast done unto me? did not I serve with thee forRachel? wherefore then hast thou beguiled me? And Laban said , It must not be so done in our country,to give the younger before the firstborn. Fulfil her week, and we will give thee this also for the service which thou shalt serve with me yet seven other years. And Jacob did so, and fulfilled her week: and he gave him Rachel his daughter to wife also. And Laban gave to Rachel his daughter Bilhah his handmaid to be her maid. And he went in also unto Rachel, and he loved also Rachel more than Leah, and served with him yet seven other years. And when the LORD saw that Leah was hated , he opened her womb: but Rachel was barren. - Genesis 29:16-31

After stealing his younger brother’s blessing, Jacob’s mother urged him to flee because Esau was determined to take his life. The Lord had told Rebekah, when she was pregnant with her two sons, that the elder would serve the younger (Gen. 25:23). Consequently, when she learned that her husband was going to bless Esau (his favorite son), she devised a scheme to bring the Lord’s will to pass. The text is silent as to why Rebekah withheld her knowledge of the Lord’s will from her husband for so many years. Have you ever known God’s will concerning a marital issue that you kept from your spouse? What was the consequence of your action(s)?

Rebekah loved her younger son and knew the promise that the Lord had spoken over his life. She was determined that the Lord’s will be done, even if it wasn’t done in God’s way or in His time. Rebekah counseled her younger son to go to her brother Laban’s house, to escape Esau’s threats to kill him. En route to his uncle’s home, Jacob had an encounter with the Lord and determined that the Lord would be his God, if He would provide for his needs and allow him to return to his father’s house (Gen. 28:20-22).

Despite Rebekah’s deception, all things worked together for Jacob’s good. The Lord indeed provided for Jacob’s needs when he reached his uncle’s home. Jacob’s material needs were met, as were his relational needs.  Not long after reaching his uncle’s land, Jacob met and fell in love with Rachel (Laban’s younger daughter). However, after serving his uncle for seven years to earn Rachel’s hand in marriage, his uncle brought his eldest daughter (Leah) to his marriage bed, instead. Jacob had relations with Leah, never realizing that she was not Rachel.

A similar situation happens in today’s marriages. The person that we meet and become engaged to, is not the same person that we wake up to after the honeymoon is over. As we grow to learn more about our spouse’s quirks and issues, we may question whether we made a mistake in marrying that person, in the first place. If we are unable to accept our differences, the spouse may very well feel that he (or she) is unloved. The rejection of not being wanted by one’s spouse can be unbearable. And, sadly, it’s not always possible for married Christians to “trade in” their spouse for someone better.

In some cases, the relationship with our spouse may not be usurped by another person, but by another “love” interest; something that captures our spouse’s attention and demands more of their time than their relationship with us (e.g., a job, or hobby, or similar consuming passion). Have you ever played “second fiddle” to your spouses preoccupation with other interests? If so, how did you feel?

As married Christians, our first allegiance should be to our Lord, and then to our spouse. If you’re not your spouse’s highest priority, what will you do to rectify the situation?

CHALLENGE:  If you’re married, who do you identify with more (Rachel or Leah)? Please explain why.

Trusting the Lord to Find a Mate

And he said, O LORD God of my master Abraham, I pray thee, send me good speed this day, and shew kindness unto my master Abraham. Behold, I stand [here] by the well of water; and the daughters of the men of the city come out to draw water: And let it come to pass, that the damsel to whom I shall say, Let down thy pitcher, I pray thee, that I may drink; and she shall say, Drink, and I will give thy camels drink also: [let the same be] she [that] thou hast appointed for thy servant Isaac; and thereby shall I know that thou hast shewed kindness unto my master.  And it came to pass, before he had done speaking, that, behold, Rebekah came out, who was born to Bethuel, son of Milcah, the wife of Nahor, Abraham’s brother, with her pitcher upon her shoulder. And the damsel [was] very fair to look upon, a virgin, neither had any man known her: and she went down to the well, and filled her pitcher, and came up. And the servant ran to meet her, and said, Let me, I pray thee, drink a little water of thy pitcher. And she said, Drink, my lord: and she hasted, and let down her pitcher upon her hand, and gave him drink. And when she had done giving him drink, she said, I will draw [water] for thy camels also, until they have done drinking. And she hasted, and emptied her pitcher into the trough, and ran again unto the well to draw [water], and drew for all his camels. And the man wondering at her held his peace, to wit whether the LORD had made his journey prosperous or not. And it came to pass, as the camels had done drinking, that the man took a golden earring of half a shekel weight, and two bracelets for her hands of ten [shekels] weight of gold; And said, Whose daughter [art] thou? tell me, I pray thee: is there room [in] thy father’s house for us to lodge in? And she said unto him, I [am] the daughter of Bethuel the son of Milcah, which she bare unto Nahor. She said moreover unto him, We have both straw and provender enough, and room to lodge in. And the man bowed down his head, and worshipped the LORD. – Genesis 24:12-26

The Lord God has the perfect mate for each of His children.  If we pray and wait upon Him, to reveal who we should marry, His choice will be entirely consistent with His good and perfect plan for our lives. God’s choice for us may, or may not, be the person that we would have envisioned or hoped for ourselves. Often, God will choose the person we need, rather than the person we want. In the case of Isaac and Rebekah, the Lord chose the person Isaac needed and the person Rebekah wanted.

Before the couple ever laid eyes upon each other, the Lord orchestrated His sovereign will through Abraham and his servant. Abraham sent his servant to find a wife for his son (Isaac), following the passing of Abraham’s wife. The servant was sent to find a wife for Isaac to “comfort” him (Gen. 24:67), from among those who were related to Abraham.

The same holds true for Christian couples in this present age. We are not to be unequally yoked with a spouse who does not share the same beliefs and/or values that we do. But, once the marriage covenant is entered into, whether with a fellow believer, or non-believer, the Lord expects the believing spouse(s) to remain married for life, unless one breaks the marital covenant through sexual infidelity.  If you’re engaged, do you and your betrothed share the same beliefs about God and His expectations for your union? If you’re married, do you and your spouse share the same beliefs about God and know what His will for your union is?

When Abraham’s servant returned to his master’s homeland, he prayed and asked the Lord to “show kindness unto” Abraham. In addition to seeking a wife for Isaac from among Abraham’s relatives, the Lord gave the servant wisdom to seek a woman with a servant’s heart. In essence, the servant was led to set out a “fleece” to determine which woman the Lord had blessed Isaac to wed.

Any Christian individual, or couple, seeking to be married, must seek the Lord prayerfully; seek the Lord willingly (with a desire to marry whomever the Lord chooses for them to marry); and, seek the Lord’s confirmation of His choice through the leading of the Holy Spirit, circumstances, other people and/or God’s word. In the case of Abraham’s servant, the Lord confirmed that Rebekah was His choice through circumstances that were more convincing than mere coincidence. The servant also received confirmation through the young woman’s family, after he told of the events that caused him to believe that Rebekah was to be Isaac’s wife.

As it turned out, God’s choice was the perfect choice for both young people. The Bible records in Genesis 24:61-67: And Rebekah arose, and her damsels, and they rode upon the camels, and followed the man: and the servant took Rebekah, and went his way. And Isaac came from the way of the well Lahairoi; for he dwelt in the south country. And Isaac went out to meditate in the field at the eventide: and he lifted up his eyes, and saw, and, behold, the camels [were] coming. And Rebekah lifted up her eyes, and when she saw Isaac, she lighted off the camel. For she [had] said unto the servant, What man [is] this that walketh in the field to meet us? And the servant [had] said, It [is] my master: therefore she took a vail, and covered herself. And the servant told Isaac all things that he had done. And Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah’s tent, and took Rebekah, and she became his wife; and he loved her: and Isaac was comforted after his mother’s [death].

Isaac lifted his eyes, after leaving “the well of Him that liveth and seeth me,” to behold the caravan of camels carrying his God-given destiny to him. Before she even knew who he was, Rebekah dismounted her camel after seeing Isaac. Rebekah was obviously smitten by the young man.  Isaac loved Rebekah and was comforted. And they lived happily ever after, right? Not exactly! Next week we’ll explore the trials that this couple faced as a married couple.

 

CHALLENGES: Are you married to, or considering marriage to, the helper the Lord chose for you? What makes you think so? If you’re married, is your marriage exactly what you expected it to be? If not, what are you and/or your spouse doing to bless the Lord through your union to each other?

Abraham & Sarah

And the LORD visited Sarah as he had said, and the LORD did unto Sarah as he had spoken. For Sarah conceived, and bare Abraham a son in his old age, at the set time of which God had spoken to him. And Abraham called the name of his son that was born unto him, whom Sarah bare to him, Isaac. And Abraham circumcised his son Isaac being eight days old, as God had commanded him. And Abraham was an hundred years old, when his son Isaac was born unto him. And Sarah said, God hath made me to laugh, [so that] all that hear will laugh with me. And she said, Who would have said unto Abraham, that Sarah should have given children suck? for I have born [him] a son in his old age. And the child grew, and was weaned: and Abraham made a great feast the [same] day that Isaac was weaned. And Sarah saw the son of Hagar the Egyptian, which she had born unto Abraham, mocking. Wherefore she said unto Abraham, Cast out this bondwoman and her son: for the son of this bondwoman shall not be heir with my son, [even] with Isaac. And the thing was very grievous in Abraham’s sight because of his son. And God said unto Abraham, Let it not be grievous in thy sight because of the lad, and because of thy bondwoman; in all that Sarah hath said unto thee, hearken unto her voice; for in Isaac shall thy seed be called. – Gen. 21:1-12

The Lord called Abram out of his native country, to go to “a land” that the Lord would show him. As He did so, the Lord, made several promises to the father of our faith (Gen. 12:1-3). God promised Abram that He would: (1) make him a great nation, (2) bless him, and (3) cause Abram to bless others. Those promises would involve both the man and his wife (Sarai). But, before the promises began to manifest, the Lord orchestrated the circumstances of the couple’s life, so that many of His promises to Abram would be fulfilled, in his lifetime, just as the Lord had said.

There is power in agreement; especially in the marital relationship. Abram and Sarai took all of their substance to the unknown land (Gen. 12:5) and amassed even more following an altercation with Pharaoh (Gen. 12:10-20), and later with Abimelech (Gen. 20). In both instances, Abram (Abraham) asked his wife to tell the king of each land, that she was his sister, to curry favor with each ruler and spare Abram’s life. It was a half-truth, as we read in Genesis 20:12, because Sarai (Sarah) was his half-sister. But, Sarai agreed to Abram’s plans and, in both instances, the Lord intervened so that neither king would have relations with Abram’s (Abraham’s) wife. The Lord orchestrated these seemingly chance encounters to bless the couple, just as He’d promised, for they left each country with more possessions than they had before, including an Egyptian handmaid in the first instance. Has the Lord ever blessed you and your spouse through a chance encounter, or divinely orchestrated circumstance, that drew you closer to one another and to God? If so, please recall what happened and praise God for it.

Abram was ignorant of the way in which the Lord would manifest His promise concerning his seed. When Sarai suggested that Abram have relations with her Egyptian handmaid, so that she could have children by her, Abram agreed and did as his wife asked him to do (Gen. 16:1-4). The Egyptian handmaid (Hagar) conceived a son and, because she despised her mistress, Sarai complained to Abram. Sarai’s husband told her to do whatever she pleased concerning Hagar (Gen. 16:6) and took no action concerning the conflict between the two of them. What should the man do when conflict arises between his wife and a third party? Apparently, Sarai was very harsh with the young Egyptian woman, because she fled from her presence, until the Lord intervened and told Hagar to return to Sarai (Gen. 16:7-9).

The Lord honored the covenant between Abraham and his wife because He had a specific plan for their union. Similarly, the Lord honors modern-day marriage covenants, between a husband and a wife, because He has a plan for each union. When Sarai decided to have her husband impregnate her handmaid, a possible consequence of her decision was that Sarai was stuck, in what must have been a very tense relationship, with the younger woman, until Sarah bore her own child. Once Sarah gave birth to the child of promise (Isaac), she told Abraham to “Cast out this bond woman and her son: for the son of this bond woman shall not be heir with my son, even with Isaac” (Gen. 21:10).

What Sarah told her husband was entirely consistent with God’s good and perfect plan for the couple’s union. Consequently, the Lord told Abraham to listen to his wife and to do what she said. Abraham did just what his wife told him to do, after receiving confirmation from the Lord about the matter.

Though the Lord had relationship with Abram (Abraham), and the promise was to the man and his seed, the woman was equally blessed of God to know and to do the will of the Lord because of the covenant between the husband and the wife. It is possible for the wife to know the Lord’s will concerning the marriage union, before the husband knows the Lord’s will. However, it is incumbent upon the man, to seek confirmation directly from the Lord, himself.

CHALLENGES: Why do you think that the Lord brought your spouse and you together in a marriage covenant? Have either you, or your spouse, acted outside of the Lord’s will (or timing) in your marital union and reaped unexpected, or adverse, consequences as a result? If so, how did the Lord resolve your poor decision(s), as a couple?

For further study: Genesis 11:27-31, 12:10-20, 16, 17:19, 18:1-16, 20, 21:1-13, 1 Peter 3:5-7

Love and Respect

Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so [let] the wives [be] to their own husbands in every thing. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones… Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife [see] that she reverence [her] husband.– Eph 5:21-30, 33

Husbands and wives, as children of God and new creations in Christ Jesus, are to submit to one another, in reverence for the Lord. Indeed, the Word of God states that whatever we do, in word or deed, is to be done as unto the Lord. In reality, a disciple of Christ is to esteem everyone as better than themselves, out of reverence for God. The Christian marriage is no different. The wife is to revere her husband; not because he deserves to be revered, but because she loves the Lord. And, the husband is to love his wife; not because she deserves his love, but because he loves the Lord. Of course, the Lord Himself loves all people (saved and unsaved). And, concerning the unsaved, it is not His will that any man (or woman) perish.

If a husband is not a believer, the believing wife is to revere (or respect) him and, in so doing, win him to the Lord, without a word (1 Peter 3:1). Unequally yoked marriages are also addressed in 1 Corinthians 7:12-13. If the unbelieving spouse prefers to forsake the assembling together with the saints and insists that their spouse do the same, does our Lord expect the believing spouse to submit to the unbelieving spouse? That would be doubtful, because Christ must be preeminent in the life of the believing wife, or husband.

As followers of Jesus Christ, our reasonable service is to love others, including our spouses, as Christ loves them. In the marital relationship, this can, at times, be challenging because of the bond that is formed in the marriage.  Married couples see the “best” and the “worst” in each other. We can respond to the either. But, as His children, the Lord is pleased when we submit to His lordship and to the enabling power of the Holy Spirit, to love a spouse who may not always be so easy for us to love. 

Curses

Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire [shall be] to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee. And unto Adam he said, Because thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy wife, and hast eaten of the tree, of which I commanded thee, saying, Thou shalt not eat of it: cursed [is] the ground for thy sake; in sorrow shalt thou eat [of] it all the days of thy life Thorns also and thistles shall it bring forth to thee; and thou shalt eat the herb of the field; In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground; for out of it wast thou taken: for dust thou [art], and unto dust shalt thou return.; – Gen 3:16-19

Before disobeying God, Adam and the woman were equal. Though Adam was created before the woman, and the woman was brought forth from the man, the word of God does not say that the woman was made subordinate to the man prior to their fall from grace. As a consequence of their sin, the Lord told the woman that her sorrow in bearing children would be multiplied, that her desire would be for her husband, and that he would rule over her.

The Hebrew word for “desire” means longing. The Lord may have been dealing with her former desire to be wise, like God. It was that desire to be like God that caused the woman to listen to the lies of the adversary and disobey God’s original plan for the couple. It was the woman’s disobedience to God’s original command, that caused the Lord to give her a desire for her husband, and to command that the man rule (or have dominion) over his wife.

Because Adam listened to his wife, and ate the forbidden fruit, God cursed the ground so that the man would have to wrestle his family’s “daily bread” from the ground, with the “sweat of his brow” (or hard labor). Perhaps, it was the Lord’s reminder to Adam that he was no longer a son of God, and would die apart from his Maker, in the dust from which he was created.

Thus, the order for the first family was changed. The man would be the woman’s provider. Before the fall, God was their Provider. The woman would become a keeper of the home and family. In other words, the man would labor as a provider and the woman would labor in childbearing and child rearing.

Unfortunately, many born-again believers ascribe to the belief that the husband and wife are still relegated to the roles ordained by God, after the first couple’s fall from grace. Forgetting that we are “new creations” in Christ, husbands insist that their wives be submissive to them, as “weaker” vessels.

While it is true that women are not as strong as men, physically. God blessed women with intellect, gifts, talents and abilities that could be used for her good and His glory. The Proverbs 31 woman is an excellent example of this truth. In addition to being a keeper of the home, the Proverbs 31 woman also provided for her family through her entrepreneurial endeavors, in her free time.  Apparently, her husband was secure enough in himself to permit her to become all that the Lord intended for her to become, before the age of grace.

Though there are a number of passages in the New Testament that relegate the woman to subservient roles in the Christian marriage, one may benefit from considering the historical context in which those passages were written. It may be that the Lord’s judgments are not applicable to married Christian couples because we are no longer under the curse of the law, but are joint heirs with, and “new creations” in, Christ Jesus. Believing wives need no longer be under the dominion of their believing spouses. Rather, in an ideal Christian marriage, the believing couple is in submission to each other; just as God intended in the beginning, before the fall. Many women of God have been gifted and used by God in a variety ways in the body of Christ, in this present age of grace.

 

CHALLENGES: What false beliefs, about the roles of Christian husbands and wives, may be hindering your spouse, and/or your marriage, from becoming all that the Lord intends for your spouse, and/or your marriage, to become?